"The Day I Gave That Cat A Bath" Words & Music: Don Woolett

I had this big old Siamese cat.   He was dirty as could be. So, I decided to give that cat a bath   But the cat disagreed with me. I stroked his fur and smoothed it down   Trying to keep that kitty calm, Not expecting that any moment   He`d explode like an atom bomb!   I carried him into the bathroom;   And I cleaned out the commode. I said, "I`ll power wash that kitty cat."   Then I poured in some liquid soap. I shoved that cat down in the bowl   And slammed the lid real tight. I stood on the lid so he couldn`t get out   'cause I knew I was in for a fight.   Well, I flushed the commode about fifteen times   'till I knew that cat was clean. I could hear him squawlin`.  I could see him clawin` Trying to get a hold on me! I stood back as far as I could stand And lifted that toilet bowl lid. That cat leaped out and hit the wall And landed on top of my head.   That cat liked to clawed me half to death! I had blood runnin` down my face. 'till I shook him off and ran out the door; That cat and I was in a race! That cat passed by me doing a hundred and five And ran straight through the back screen door Of the Peking Moon Chinese Restaurant And I ain`t seen that cat no more!   That cat got wild and mad and mean And I suffered that kitty`s wrath The day I thought I`d do a good deed And give that cat a bath!   2003 Don Woolett / Dew Crest Publishing (BMI) 691 Howardstown Rd., Hodgenville, KY  42748 (270) 723-5184

(And In My Rearview Mirror)

Words & Music: Don Woolett   Traveling south on I-75, Running 'bout a hundred and ten; Just cruising along like nothing's wrong Waitin' for the fun to begin. When all of a sudden in my rearview mirror What do you thank I see? A Georgia State Trooper with his blue lights flashing. Looked like he was chasing me!   Well, he pulled in behind me and I knew right then This wasn't gonna be a vacation. That Sunshine State would just have to wait And I was feeling a bad sensation! So, I pulled over and the trooper did too And he got out without hesitation. He walked up to me and said, "Let me see Your license and registration."   I said, "Officer, let me explain.  I was only passing through But pulling me over to welcome me Was mighty nice of you!" Well, he didn't grin and I knew right then   He wasn't in a real good mood. I felt kinda bad 'cause I knew he was mad When he stuttered and called me "dude!"   Well, I gave him a grin that I usually give And I guess it just melted his heart, 'Cause he pulled out some handcuffs and put them on me. I guess He just didn't want us to part! He put me in his cruiser and off we went   To the county jail for awhile. When I met the jailer, he asked about charges, So I gave him a great big smile.   And I said, "That's all right.  I wouldn`t charge you a thing For allowing me to visit your jail. Your hospitality overwhelms me" That's when he showed me to his very best cell! I spent the night 'till it got daylight And they hauled me into court. The judge had a frown as he sat down And read the trooper's report.   Then I stood before him and the judge said, "Son, You better slow it down a bit,   Or I'll slap you in jail for a mighty long time And that's something you won't forget!" I said, "Yes, your honor.  You've made your point And you've filled my heart with terror!" Then I smiled and left with Georgia on my mind And in my rearview mirror!   © 2005  Don Woolett / Dew Crest Pub. (BMI) 691 Howardstown Rd., Hodgenville, KY  42748 (270) 723-5184

Words & Music: Don Woolett   1. Our preacher preached a message on greed the other day. He even touched on faithfulness, then invited us to pray. But as I knelt down, my mind began to concentrate on dinner And the ultimate shopping experience At the Walley World Worship Center.   2. You see, we all gather in there every Sunday after Church To eat, and shop, and browse the isles Well, It really doesn't hurt Because we feel like we're in Heaven And Sam Walton is our mentor. Our life skills straining comes straight from The Walley World Worship Center.   CH. Well I gotta go to Walley World. I gotta go there to see what I can see. And take advantage of all those blessings Waiting there for me. So, after church, as a congregation We all rush to enter Those electronic pearly gates of the Walley World Worship Center.   3. Now there isn't hardly anything one cannot buy or do  At a Walley World Worship Center On a Sunday afternoon. And I can see Sam Walton In his classic pick up truck As he pulls up to the alter Feeling proud but not stuck up.   4.      Now when I die I know I'll be in Heaven with the Lord. I'll step up to the Throne And he will hand me my reward. I'll hear him say, "Well done my child. You've faithfully made the trip." Then I'll receive my eternal golden Sam's Club membership.   ©2005 Don Woolett / Dew Crest Pub. (BMI) 691 Howardstown Rd., Hodgenville, KY 42748 (270) 723-5184

"Eat Good At The Highway Kill Café" Words & Music: Don Woolett     Eat good at the Highway Kill Café. They serve fresh meat almost every day. It's hot and juicy. Tender too. About the best food you can chew. Eat good at the Highway Kill Café.   A big ole' eighteen wheeler Makes a steak taste like it should. A natural tenderizer When a deer lands on the hood. They get it fresh and cook it Straight from the interstate. Gourmet' eating at the Highway Kill Café.   They'll scoop 'em up and fix 'em Every morning when it's light. And their supply ain't limited. It's freshly killed each night. There's deer and chicken; hot dogs too Prepared a special way. Mouth watering. The Highway Kill Café.   You'll eat and eat until it's gone. The meat just slips right off the bone You'll eat good at the Highway Kill Café.     © 2009 Don Woolett, P.O. Box 337, Hodgenville, Ky 42748 (270)723-5184 (From Eugene Bodene's Family Comedy Song Bazaar)

Hypocrites Words & Music: Don Woolett   I saw an old friend the other day  And struck up a conversation. Then, I felt the Spirit move on me  To offer him an invitation. I said, "How about going to church with me.  Our preacher preaches great!" He said, "No thanks.  I haven't got the time.  It's those hypocrites I hate."   He said, "There's too many hypocrites in church, so I'll  stay home and pray, Or maybe I'll run down to the lake  To fish and relax that day." I said, "OK.  I see what you mean,  But let me tell you this; All the hypocrites aren't in church.  Some are right there where you fish."   You can go to Wal Mart, target,  Or McDonalds anytime And shop or eat with hypocrites.  There's always some in line. You can find them at the ball game.  Ride with one in a car. They're at the movies and the social club  And drinking at the local bar.   So, no matter where you go  You'll probably find a hypocrite. But, I'd rather sit with one in church  Than in the bottomless pit! So, come and go to church with me.  Get on your knees and pray, Then there may be one less hypocrite  To deal with every day.   (CH) I'd rather go to church with a hypocrite  Than to go to hell with one. At least in church I can find relief  But in hell, they're overrun. Yes, there may be hypocrites in church  But when all is said and done, I'd still rather go to church with a hypocrite  Than to go to hell with one.   This story has a moral.  It's plain as it can be; Hypocrites are everywhere,  I'm sure you will agree. So, don't fall victim to the line  They'll throw you everyday. Just stand up tall, look them in the eye,  And smile and say,   (Repeat CH)   ©  2010 Don Woolett,  270-723-5184

"MINIMUM PAYMENT BLUES" Words & Music: Don Woolett   1.  I went to the mail box yesterday And staring back at me Was a stack of credit card bills That I didn`t want to see. My bank account is sinking low. My debt is soaring high. I can`t pay all those payments now Or they will bleed me dry!   2.  So, I thought about it just a while        And decided what I`d do.        I`d make the minimum payments        That was sure to take me through.        I`ve done it over and over again.        It can`t hurt one more time.        But the balance on those credit cards        Just steadily seems to climb.   CH. Now I have those minimum payment blues. They haunt me day and night. High interest rates keep pushing my payoff Payment out of sight. My obituary may someday read In the Plastic Money News, "He didn`t pay so he passed away With those minimum payment blues."   3.  I intend to go to Heaven        But here there`s the Devil to pay!        I can`t control those credit cards.        There seems to be no way.        My cash flow funds are drying up.        I need to borrow more.        But my Visa card got stuck last night            In the money machine door   4.  Someday I`ll shed this awful debt        And overcome my loss.        Dave Ramsey said with credit cards        I`d pay the highest cost!        If I don`t get some self control        It`ll drive me to my grave;        But I`m still alive and if I survive        I`ll have to throw those cards away.   (Repeat CH.)   © 2002  Don  Woolett,  691 Howardstown Rd.,  Hodgenville, KY  42748  270- 723-5184

The Home Schooling Family Way Words & Music: Don Woolett   1. From early in the morning 'till the setting of the sun, We just keep learning and having fun. We'll pass every test at the end of the day In the home schooling family way.   2.  Though some don't seem to understand our style, We can beat the competition by a country mile. Teaching family values we learn and pray In the home schooling family way.   CH.  It's the home schooling family way. We'll get educated today. We'll learn what we're able at the kitchen table In the home schooling family way.   3. There are so many people who seem surprised When we prove to them we're well socialized Home education is here to stay In the home schooling family way.   (CH.)   © 1996 Don Woolett./SongCreations P.O. Box 337, Hodgenville, Ky 42748  (270) 723-5184

"That Winter Night In Bethlehem" Words & Music: Don Woolett   I wondered into town that night not knowing what I'd find.   Loneliness was in my heart. Escape was on my mind. I walked the streets so dark and lonely searching for a friend. But finding none, I stepped into the little village inn.   I walked up to the desk and the Inn keeper looked at me. "What brings you into town?" he asked. "What can I do for thee?" "I'm tired and cold.  I need some rest.  I need a place to stay." "I'm sorry, sir.  We're all sold out." Was all that he would say.   I turned to leave but then he said, "One moment, sir, I know A man in your condition really needs a place to go. Though here there is no vacancy, there's someplace you can stay. The stable's warm, so make a bed out on that pile of hay."   I nodded "thanks."  I shut the door and walked around the inn. My mind was cluttered with the cares of life and all it's sin. I felt this night would be my last.  My life was soon to end. I'd just lay down and go to sleep and never wake again.   I walked into the stable not prepared for what I saw. A mother and her new born child lay on a pile of straw. It's then I noticed something strange A light so bright and clear Lit up that little stable but there was no lantern there!   The young maid's name was Mary.  Her husband's name was Joe. The baby lay beside them sheltered warmly in the glow Of that light that shined from Heaven like none I had ever seen. It almost seemed that I could hear an angel chorus sing.   What was that scene I saw that winter night in Bethlehem? Joe and Mary nestled warm with Mary's little Lamb. A power seemed to fill that place like I could not explain. My heart was filled with joy and peace.  My life began to change. That winter night in Bethlehem a miracle took place. I knew I'd found a friend for life.  I felt that baby's grace. He reached his little hand up and placed it into mine. I knew I'd met God face to face just in the nick of time!   I walked out of that stable.  My life was not the same. I'd met the true Messiah.  I would not forget his name. I found a peace I'd never known.  I felt so safe and warm That winter night in Bethlehem when Jesus Christ was born!   That winter night in Bethlehem Salvation came to man. Deliverance and peace on earth   Was in the Master's plan. It started in a manger Life eternal from the Lord. That winter night in Bethlehem When Jesus Christ was born.   ©1997 Don Woolett 691 Howardstown Rd., Hodgenville, Ky. 42748  (270)723-5184